Greetings,
It was always said that the 'truth shall set you free' and as
a Christian, I believe that is true. But the truth is also very
harsh as well, especially when you finally realize it late in life
and worse, I may have no choice but to just live it out.
You see, stubbornness and foolishness at a young age that
goes unchecked can do much damage in the later years as
I have now found out. I cannot count the number of times
wishing I could turn back the hands of time and right the
wrongs I did. It wasn't so much I harmed anyone else but
more harming myself.
So now you are wondering what brought this topic up.
I will tell you, but this can get lengthy, so bear with me.
Let's say for starters, I may have to live the life of a
dejected man due to some major negligence on my part,
add to it with this economy this seems to be no place for
middle-aged men such as myself. Though I am content
being single I also know that I am going to have to live
with the fact that an unmarried+ middle-aged man=
damaged goods. Even among Christian circles a
never-married man at fifty-two-years-of-age is
undesirable. Stop right there! Don't tell me I'm
being too hard on myself! That is simple truth!
I have been among Christians long enough to
know what is expected of Christian men after
reading literature, hearing various sermons, and
general conversations among Christian men and
women on the subject. I realized after hearing all
of this, is that I may have to live like a dejected man
even among my own Christian brethren. There seems to
be an underlying message which tells me things such as:
"You're not good enough," "This is what a real Christian
man is, so measure up," and, well I won't go on. Let's just
narrow it down to this: "You're not a real Christian man,"
is the message I have been getting. In short, "You're
not good enough!"
So how good am I supposed to be? I realize that my lot in
life isn't normal by society's (and even Christian) standards
and I also realize that it was mostly my fault. Yes, I confess that!
But I also realize that I have been comfortable just as I am as
well. I am truly blessed for a man of modest if not low means
and I have the Lord Almighty to make me realize that. I have
food and clothing and do things I enjoy which I see as perks
of Christianity, much like the fringe benefits of being employed
by a certain company. Oh, but I can't share that with anyone!
It sounds like I have to be better than that. I got news for you
my good people, I will never be good enough for you because
I am at the stage in life where I should have had it together years
ago. Guess what? You are right, I should have gotten my act
together all those years ago and bettered myself so I could be
that man society and/or Christianity and a potential wife could
accept, love, and respect.
Okay, so I'm not good husband/father material. What? So for that
I'm not good enough for Christianity, too? Haha, you're right again.
I'm not a good husband and father candidate because a man in his fifties
on a modest income couldn't support a wife and kids, add to it that
financially speaking, it gets pretty tough money-wise when you wish to
send your kids to college and approaching retirement age.
Okay, so what if I did blow all these opportunities sky high a long
time ago and that I am considered damaged goods? Am I supposed
to be any less of a Christian man because of that? For awhile I did
feel good about who I was after being saved but then all this marriage
mandate and these 'man-up' campaigns all came about as if to shame
me.
Well, it's come down to this, I find it easier to live like a dejected man
than to go through major life changes this late in life. I'm too used to
living alone and doing things I enjoy to even want to make those kinds
of changes (marriage and fatherhood) and besides, I can't afford it.
But, I CAN afford to do things for the Lord and to enjoy my hobbies
which I consider perks. But if I'm not considered good enough because
I haven't made myself good husband and father material, then I'll just
have to endure living as a dejected man, even among my own Christian
brethren. But I will not be shamed or coerced into it just because of
missed opportunities. You can accept me or reject me, but I have made
my choice.
Have a blessed day.
